The #1 skill of great writing is choosing words that create pictures in your reader’s mind, and evokes emotions in their heart.
Great writing makes your readers see and feel as they read. In writer’s lingo it is called, “show, don’t tell.”
Oh Lordy. I heard those words of critique at least once every single session from Bill Manville, my teacher in our writers group! (Along with, “your sentences are too long”!)
The book, Stein on Writing, by Sol Stein makes the “show, don’t tell” point in his very first chapter. His example: “not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
In my current ghostwriting project, my author described her impromptu wedding being held at “a seedy little wedding chapel.”
My challenge was to describe the chapel with words that get the reader to form a picture in their mind of what they might label as “seedy.”
Here’s what I wrote:
The chapel was a converted farm house on the outskirts of town. It was a drizzly December morning with periodic bursts of sunshine. The almond and cherry trees would be gorgeous come spring, but this day the bare branches were hosting rain droplets that fell earlier.
We parked on the graveled parking lot in the back, and made our way to the front. Painted white, as you would expect a chapel to be, it was only as we approached the porch I noticed the flaking paint and cracking foundation.
The tinkling bell you’d hear when entering a curio shop in a quaint Gold Rush town, announced our arrival.
We were greeted with a genuine smile by a 50ish woman who turned out to be the minister’s daughter. She filled out the marriage certificate then handed Auther the Bic pen, pointing to the signature line. After I had signed, she turned to call out, “we’re ready,” then turned back to ask if I’d like a bouquet.
I said, “Yes” and she handed me a white plastic bouquet of pink and white carnations. I said to Auther, “OK. Time to straighten up and fly right” and playfully swatted him on the shoulder with the bouquet, which exhaled a cloud of dust.
Just then the minister came out, apparently our greeter’s mother. Gray-haired and slightly stooped she was dressed in a white(ish) graduation gown that barely covered the toes of her dirty tennis shoes peeking out from beneath. Her raspy voice gave evidence she was a smoker, and her dirty fingernails suggested she might be fresh from her garden.
Did I achieve my goal of show, don’t tell? If you were to describe a wedding chapel as seedy, what words would you use?
What do you think? Leave a comment and let me know. If you have a short paragraph you’d like feedback on, leave that in the comments. Or send me an email. Keep on writing!
Jennifer the Editor
Helping people with a book inside them . . . get it OUT!
Ghostwriting – Editing – Manuscript Evaluations
http://JenniferTheEditor.org
Jennifer@JenniferTheEditor.org
